Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

What do you think about a sister's love?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

How should you handle a situation where your friend tells you they like someone who also likes you? Should you tell them or continue as normal?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t buy bullshit

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

When does a woman know she is cumming?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I can count

Is the Democrat party connected with organized crime in America?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t cotton to rapists

What is the STAR interview method?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

What are some of your favorite hip hop lyrics?

I have a reading level above third grade

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

How can someone determine if their partner is in another romantic relationship, particularly if they do not live together?

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I actually pay taxes

How do the police verify the authenticity of an online profile? What methods do they use to determine if a profile is real or fake?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

What is the best way to get over your ex?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

What do you think about wearing sheer pantyhose?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I can read

Can you share 100 facts about yourself?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I have complete contempt for traitorism

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I see through liars

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I understand how hurricane paths work

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write